The Ties That Bind

I have always been one of those people that found the institution of marriage to be something that was completely unnatural to human nature. You see so many people meet, fall in love, get married, and then a few years into their marriage, get tired of each other, or cannot work past their issues then part ways and move on to the next. So, it completely threw me for a loop when I married my college sweet heart. I was quite happy with him. I liked our relationship the way it was, but because of the "moral values" instilled in me and most of Western society, I felt I needed to marry him in order for our relationship to be validated by everyone else around us. So, we planned to have a handfasting, but because of both of our religious upbringings, we knew that was not going to fly with our families. Then, because of unfair pressure from my mother, we ended up eloping to get her off of our backs. Let's just say we have both agreed that THAT was the biggest mistake of our lives. One because we didn't have the ceremony/celebration that we wanted, and for me personally because we were legally tied to each other, and I felt like the cell doors had been closed on me and the key thrown away. Why couldn't we have had the courage, the back bone of Goldie Haan and Kirk Douglas to say "Fuck the world," and be with each other in a way that made US truly happy, and not everyone else happy?

In the beginning, when I was researching handfasting I saw that the people who originally used this ceremony for binding a couple together gave them a way to part ways if things were no longer loving between them. And that was a hand-parting. Now, we have legal separations, or outright divorces (let me just insert a note here, that the State of Texas does not have legal separation, they only have divorce). With all of the issues that me and my husband have had over the years, we have on more than one occasion wanted to find a way to separate from each other without having to go through the legal turmoil of a divorce, but with few options offered to us living in this ultra conservative state, we were only left with hundreds of dollars in counseling, and trying to work past our issues to get to the point where we are now.

The present day condition of our society makes it more obvious to me that we need to take some pointers from those who lived before us. Because they lived in a more balanced state with nature, and the cycles of nature, they understood that not everything lasts forever, and that sometimes, you just need to shed those things that have gone bad or died, and move forward. But because we are so set on how things should be, to fulfill our own warped sense of what the Divine wants for us, we are forcing our bodies, spirits, and hearts to be in a constant state of stagnation that in the long run is not healthy at all.

Now, almost 10 years since we said our "I do's," we are renewing our vows, and planning the wedding we never had. While I am excited about the big event, I am also acutely aware of the fact that this will bind us together even further. And while this has me screaming on the inside, I see this as a new start. We are having our handfasting this time around, and I know that if things really start to decline again between us, we will be able to part ways knowing that we loved each other enough to start over, and to give our relationship the due respect and chance to blossom the way it should have, naturally and in its own time...and the parting of ways between us won't be one made in anger and hatred towards each other, but in love and mutual respect.


Blessed Be.