I was dreaming last night...Well I have been dreaming for the past couple of nights, but last night it was different. This dream I knew it was more than a dream. It was my inner self showing me that I was being betrayed/played yet again. I was forced awake from the dream by my daughter knocking on the door stating that she wanted to get showered. The images fading into a bleary eyed fog as I moped to the door.
After everyone had finally left the house, and I was heading back to go fix my daily cup of coffee, and wait for maintenance to come and fix the fan in our master bath, I had a chance to sit and think about what I saw, heard, and said...and what was said to me. And I knew at that point that I really couldn't trust that person. On any level. But, being human, and being someone who always tries to see the good points in those that they care about, I tried to ignore this telling of what I knew deep down was going on. It was bothering me so much, that I finally pulled out my tarot cards and did a reading. Something I haven't done in months. And I knew my skill at reading the cards was just as dusty from non-use, as the cards themselves. But I did it anyway. And what I saw told me that as much as I may try to ignore the situation, what I saw in my dream was true. I was betrayed...again. Oddly enough, in the dream, I told the person I wasn't mad at them. I wasn't going to judge them on what they did because it was not my place. That I was slightly hurt, but that was about it. They looked at me in tears. I think more so that I had caught them and was now decided on walking away, than anything else.
So sitting here now. I am feeling...nothing. The mild hurt that was there has passed. And I am feeling peaceful. Thankful even. Knowing what I know...I am just glad that I was given a chance to get my guard back up and protect myself before something happened that would have broken me. It has taken a long time for me to heal after all of these years of abuse from those I kept close to me. And like bones that break and mend, I am stronger for it, and I feel it. I thank the Goddess for my many blessings, and my many gifts. And more importantly for her guidance in my life because I feel that if I didn't have it, I would be just as miserable now, as I was all those years ago.
Blessed Be.
