Yemaya is calling

Ever since I had this dream on Saturday about Yemaya, my mind has been in utter turmoil. Here I am a witch who started off in a Celtic belief system, now studying the Italian Stregheria, and has been touched by a Yoruba Orisha...This is confusing to say the least.

I sent my dream to a local Santera I know, and She said that it was a sign that I was to walk the path of Santeria. I was elated and at the same time mortified at what this meant. The personal responsibility and dedication that this required was not what I needed at this particular time in my life. I was and still am scared. But a part of me is yearning to do this. To walk this path. To maybe, just maybe finally feel whole.

I sent (my) Santera an email today explaining every reason in the world of why I could not embarks on this journey at this point in time, all the while feeling like I was lying to not only myself, but to her, and to the Orisha who was waiting for me to recognize that they had been with me this entire short 32 year span of my life.

[Side note: If she is reading this, I hope she understands my fears and does not hold it against me.]

Anyway, this whole night I have been laying in bed reading The Santeria Experience, by Migene Gonzalez Wippler, and I have gotten to Chapter 7 where she discusses without “discussing” the ceremonies and ritual she went through in her official initiation into the religion that is Santeria. I was slapped full force by her own words, which echoed the fear and uncertainty that is in my own heart about this journey.

“…I was not sure I wanted to make the total commitment that Santeria demands of its practitioners…”

These words held a truth that I am struggling with now. The COMMITMENT that all santeros have when it comes to their Orishas is astounding to say the least, and utterly awe inspiring to say the most. There are aspects of this religion that strike fear in my heart, because it goes against everything I have been taught and believe.

But, the one tenant that brings comfort to me is their respect for life. All forms of life. This respect for God, and nature, which in many major religions is just a manifestation of the Divine, is what keeps me from completely running away screaming holding up a cross, and turning a fire hose of holy water on even the mere thought of doing this.

The only thing I can do is pray to the Goddess that she protects and guides me through this new journey. As of late I feel like se has heard and answered all of my prayers…no matter how small and trivial. I just hope she will hear this one and hold my hand through this.