Awakening...

I sat down the other night with my husband and told him how I understood how Kali felt when she realized that her bare feet were on her husband. I got up and went to our bedroom, and pulled the statue of Kali and Shiva out from next to my altar. I brought it up front to the living room and let it rest on the floor while I explained to my husband that I felt her rage and anger and "blood lust" with the things that have happened in my life over the years. And, my "acting out" and putting my husband through all of the stuff I put him through because I did not know how to control what I was feeling...I truly understood. She was consumed by the demons she was dealing with, and so was I. Unfortunately, unless you have that support system there to help you stay grounded and within yourself, you can lose control, and end up hurting the ones who love you the most. And that is basically what I did.

This realization has helped me to open up a bit more with the hubby. It has helped me to heal a little bit, where for years I felt lost in the darkness. Now, I have a renewed will to get back into my spiritual practices. I feel that in understanding myself spiritually, I will be able to understand myself emotionally.

It is a half a moon, and I feel the cool air of this Texas winter night brushing across my bare skin and caressing me like an unseen lover. It awakens my senses, and sweeps away those things that have clouded my mind, heart, and spirit for so long. Pulling my sweater up around my shoulders, I just stop...lift my head to the sky, close my eyes, and let the light of the moon bathe me. It is at this point that I feel like I am truly ready to move forward.

The next full moon that comes, I will be doing a spell of release. I have not done this since living in Atlanta. It is a very powerful spell. It released a lot of stuff out of my life with such force that my whole world was turned upside down and inside out when things finally took affect. Now, I feel it is time I do it again. If I want to have a better relationship with my family, have a better connection with my husband/my life mate/my lover/my best friend, and if I truly want to begin to heal a lot of my deepest wounds, then this has to be done. I just pray that the Goddess & the God help me to stay strong during this transition, and help me to piece back together the fragments, so that I can become whole once more...

So Mote It Be.